I've had it!
Not Bangkok. Myself. It's tough being a perfectionist. The incessant and obsessive pursuit of perfection leads surely to unhappiness. I will invent a method to painlessly cut off this unhealthy cord to despair and become a trillionaire.
In the meantime, I need to figure out some way to enjoy my trip to Bangkok. The let-down from Angkor Wat creates disappointment, the unrelenting heat and humidity begets discomfort, and the similarities to Taipei produces disinterest. What to do to fight off these feelings? I go to my ever reliable backup - reading.
The literary savior I have on hand is Anne Lamott's "Bird by Bird," a humorous and thoughtful resource for those who have caught the writing bug. The current chapter is Writer's Block - sometimes things happen so coincidentally yet appropriately, as I am blocked in more ways than one. Serendipity. I come to this paragraph on acceptance and immediately see a beam of light coming from far ahead, granted it's a flickering light held likely by a mischievous brat who is tauntingly turning it off and on for his entertainment.
"The Problem is acceptance, which is something we're taught not to do." That is exactly my predicament: all these negative feelings simmer within me, and I am desperately trying to find some way to change them, to "alleviate unpleasant feelings." Wrong strategy. Unhealthy approach. Impossible task. I need to stop pretending I can make my trip to Bangkok and myself the perfect clones of my own fanciful imagination.
So I stop fighting myself and surrender: I recognize that I am far from perfect and that it's time to satisfy the simplest and most present needs. I will no longer be the good little soldier who faces alone a full line of enemy; I will let other people and things do the fighting for me
It's damned hot outside. To combat the heat and humidity, I blast the air conditioner to its fullest power. To fight the the chill from the air conditioner, I grab a thick, plush towel and wrap it around my legs like a cocoon. Then, I settle comfortably into a recliner and begin reading the next chapter: Writing a present.
What a nice, little, effortless present to myself.
Finally, being in Bangkok is kind of cool.
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